Some thoughts after a meditation session August 10, 2010.
My mind has scenario generators and there’s practically always one running, either as thoughts (verbal talk/words to myself) or imagery.
The imagery is easy to see as I drift toward sleep, but, while less intense in terms of perceptibility, seem to be there all the time I’m awake.
There’s internally generated imagery, i.e., I don’t know why the particular image/dreamlet should come up at that time, there’s imagery generated by previous imagery or talk of body feelings, and there’s constant imagery in response to sensory input. I hear a sound, e.g., and even if I don’t consciously want it, a faint visual image of what the object making that sound probably is occurs, and it’s accurately, spatially located in a usually implicit visual map of the space around me. Like my perceptual processes are getting an image ready if I need it, perhaps to speed other info retrieval in connection with it.
If I’m not exerting some intention to organize my talk and image so they have a goal in mind, they wander all over the place.
If their content were analyzed, I’m sure they would be only partially random or of unknown provenance. Generally they would reflect my usual personality and concerns, a kind of statistical distribution of “me.” So I’m not just a random generator, but the lawfulness is hard to see sometimes – why in the world am I thinking about X?
So what is the “I,” the “me” behind this? I automatically label all this stuff “my” experience, but that’s not just a post hoc intellectual thought, it “feels” like “me” in some hard-to-define sense.
So what might survive death? A variegated collection of memories held together by intention? In my alive state, my body must hold a lot of “me” together, as well as habitual and transient intentions? The body as concretized intentions?
Funny, will, intention are the big things missing from modern psychology.
If intention can hold my current body, thoughts and feelings together, could sufficient intention “possess” a complex computer and organize it into a living, conscious being?
I’m going to go to sleep soon, that means I stop exerting specific intent to be “me,” to be organized, to be anything in particular, and the images will increase, the dreamlets start, and I’m gone….
To be continued some day….