I’ve described this experience earlier this year, but felt a need to put it into a less intellectual, more heart/poetic style, so….
“Meditating,” after a fashion
Trying to relax with whatever arises,
To not change it, improve it, dismiss it as not good enough.
To “do” nothing.
The meditation guide reminds us,
“The search is over, nothing to find, nothing to do….”
Suddenly sadness, great sadness….
I’m always doing, seventy four years of always doing,
Always trying, always wanting to do the right thing,
To discover the right thing to do
And do it…..
I’m so tired……
A few seconds of great sadness
Tears dry up.
Of course it’s been fine that I’ve always been trying
To do the right thing.
And to continue.
But down under, such tiredness…..
Sort of forget about it, get on with life,
But the knowledge is there, somewhere.
Two weeks later, meditation retreat.
No conscious memory of the tiredness, sadness.
I’m practicing meditating on Impermanence,
The flow, the changing, the morphing of
One thing into another into another into another….
Suddenly I’m at peace.
My talking mind want to call it Peace,
It’s so much deeper than anything I’ve known,
But no need, that’s gilding the lily,
It’s just peace.
No big deal, nothing to do about it or with it.
I’m just at peace.
The air is pleasantly warm,
The sun touches my skin.
Nearby some men are trimming a tree
With a chain saw.
Noisy, that’s the nature of chain saws.
No matter, the world is fine.
Talking mind isn’t used to being so quiet,
So once in a while it asks,
“Is this rigpa?”
“Is this resting in the nature of mind?”
Well maybe sort of
My words don’t matter.
Thoughts like this occasionally come,
Say their thing
And fade away.
No big deal,
I’m at peace.
Five minutes, ten minutes, half an hour.
It just naturally lasts.
No effort to hold on to it.
Peace finally fades into the background,
That’s all right.
Back to meditating on flow, change, impermanence,
Back to life.
It doesn’t matter that almost all the time
I’m trying to find the right thing, do the right thing.
Peace is good.
It happens a few times in a few days,
I’d like it to happen once in a while,
But no need, no drive to push for it.
Life is good.